Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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