You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
