Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
