dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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