Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
