I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
