okay pat passed out under dana's car
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You need a sexual gate keeper
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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