The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
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