I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
