I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I could make wine with my vomit
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
