We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
