He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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