No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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