I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Randomize
