i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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