I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
