hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
