dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
