Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
