Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Also, beer. Big fan.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
