it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize