I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
