at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
