please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
