shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
