I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
