I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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