maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
