Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
