You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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