so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
