He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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