so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
