Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
