Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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