$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
