I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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