just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
