the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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