when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
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