You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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