I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
