We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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