i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
