God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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