I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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