Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
