No, drunk sperm still make babies.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
