wat bout pragnant strippers??
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
