After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize