Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
