Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
