I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
