I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
