Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
