how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
