Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize