At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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