I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
