so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
