I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize