I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
