I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
