Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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