Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
