Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
