Pants 0. Shit 1.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize