he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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