so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
