last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
