You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
