9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
they're like a gay fantastic four
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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