i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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