You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
sex in a hospital.. check
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
