Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
