Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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