Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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