Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
