watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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