his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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