it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
