Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I will pee on everything he values.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
