I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
