Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
