the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
the condom got lost in my hair
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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