Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You may now shotgun with the bride
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
