I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize