she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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