Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
