My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
