Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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