Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
its liver damage thursday
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
