I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
